Byscuits & Davy: End of the semester

May 19, 2004

End of the semester

Well, I am done with the spring semester at MIT. My Electronics final on Monday went quite well, and with a little generosity on the part of the TA I might even be able to pull down a B in that class.

Thermo, however, was a nightmare yesterday morning. After walking out of that final, I was doing a bit of calculation in my head to see if I could even pass the class. I sent an email to the TA, and she said I actually did pretty well on the first half of the test. So that is good news. But it was the second half that I was worried about. It was ugly. I mean ugly. It reminded me of the last time I took the final in that class. The time I flunked it. At least this time I did decently on the tests and the final project. I think I might have some wiggle room if things go badly.

Assuming I pass both of my classes, I plan on having a celebration at some point for those still around for the summer. Perhaps we will play mafia, one of my favorite games. Might also be a good way to get to know the new people that are moving into the Wilson House.

My first year in the Wilson House was definitely the most significant of my life. But then again, I like to make superlatives. With that in mind, I think this past semester might have been the hardest of my life, for several reasons. And MIT was the easy part.

I know this whole process is for the best, I just don't feel that right now. I know God is breaking me to make something better in it's place. I know so many things to be true in my head, but there is a disconnect with my heart. Maybe I disconnected it. Stuffing is often so much easier than dealing.

Sometimes things happen in life that are hard. You can choose to persevere and grow, or you can lay down and die. I recently chose to lay down and die. I feel I have forgotten so much of what I once Knew.

Yet somehow in all this, I know that's just crap. This cloud around me can be removed, and I Know exactly how. I Know it is not me that has to do something, that has to be good enough, that has to accomplish. I just have to currently accept what has already been offered, and what I have in the past accepted for all time. I'm just not quite there at the moment.