Test News

I got my tests back from each of my two classes today. On the first test in each class, I got a solid middle of the road C. Quite a healthy passing at least. On my most recent electronics test, I got another C, pretty much the exact grade I got on the first test. In thermo, however, I got a B! I couln't believe it! Well, I could. I mean I knew I did okay. There were two problems, each worth 10 points. I got 9 points on the first problem, and then only 1 on the second. I just ran out of time. I was trying to work fast, too. Still, a very good improvement! I might even be able to pull down a B in the class. How cool would that be?

I also found out we don't have a problem set this week in my electronics class. So my work is already done for the week. A very nice surprise.

My G5 is sick... the hard drive has completely crashed, but i was lucky to get all the data off before it completely failed. I just don't have time to take the silly thing in or wait on the phone with tech support. And this is the second Macintosh I have owned that had a hard drive fail. Not a good track record, in my opinion. I might just buy a second internal drive, and have both of them stay mirrored in case of another failure. Seems like a bit of overkill, though.

Entry posted by byscuits at 09:59 PM | Comments (3)

an odd dream

I had a really odd dream last night, and I only remember it because it woke me up at 5:30 this morning I was so disturbed. I will try to start at the beginning as best I can, but I only remember it through part-way. It was like a movie plot, and I have had a few dreams like this before. Just none this disturbing. I wish I had gotten up at 5:30 and written down when I remembered it better, but this will have to do.

So I was someone else in the dream, but yet still myself deep at the core. Sort of like a role-playing dream. I was a mercenary/bodyguard for this guy. I had been with him for years, and he trusted me implicitly. We remained distant as friends, as the relationship was more of that of a servant and master. Still there was a deep respect on both parts. I never knew exactly what his business dealings were, but it was not my concern. We had run-ins with bad guys in the past, but I had always taken care of him. For as long as I could remember, I had always served him.

In the bodyguard circle, you know others in your field that are big time players. There was one guy that I had known about for sometime, especially since he served my masters biggest rival. I knew little else of him, except that I respected his abilities. But he was my enemy. If given the chance, I would take him and his master down.

Then the action started in the dream. The next thing I remember was being in a fight with 3 guys, one of which being my master's rival. Apparently guns were taboo, and he all at once threw these three little knives into my back. They did not do much damage immediately, so I knew they were meant to slow me down, and must be poisoned. I pulled them out, and used them myself. The first I threw hit the third guy, and he went down as I hit a vital organ. Then I hit my master's rival in the head with the second knife, and he was down. I felt myself slipping out of consciousness, and threw the third knife. It missed just high of the rival bodyguard's head. Just before I passed out, I see a railroad spike laying next to me on the floor. I use my last ounce of strength, and throw it with deadly accuracty to finish off the last guy. I had successfully protected my master from the onslaught, and killed the bodyguard.

The next thing I remember in the dream is being just barely conscious with my master speaking softly while leaning over my body. He was talking to someone nearby, I assumed to be his second in command. He was talking about me and the rival's bodyguard. I could never remember my past, and he was filling in all the details. I had served in Vietnam, and been captured by the enemy. During my time in the prison camp, I had been brainwashed and trained into an elite soldier. After the war, he aquired me from his government for a high price. I had served him well, but he had never been able to tell me the truth. But that was not the twist. Apparently my rival bodyguard came from the same pool of brainwashed elite bodyguards that I did. My biggest rival was exactly like me. I had fought to kill someone that for all intents and purposes, was me.

That was when I awoke from the dream, trying to figure out what, if anything, I could figure out for a meaning. It seemed the key was in the similarity between myself and the other bodyguard, and the nature of our service. I could never figure out if the man I had been serving was good or bad, but I had served him with honor. I don't know if there is some big thing to figure out for myself, something deep withing my psyche, or if it was just a somewhat interesting dream. One that was off the wall and more violent than any other dreams I can remember, but somehow was consistent. For a dream anyway.

I find dreams fascinating, so what do you guys think of this one? Whacked out or am I trying to tell myself something?

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:22 PM | Comments (11)

Character and Circumstance

I think one of the misconceptions about Christianity and a relationship with God is a difference of circumstance and character. People can sometimes believe that Christianity promises to change their circumstances. That if they accept Christ, their life will change, and that change will come through a change of circumstance. If they follow God, He will give them something better. Like a transaction. If I sacrifice something to God, then He is indebted to me, and will make things better.

Romans 5:3-5
³...because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

The problem with this thinking is that it has good chunks of truth woven throughout it. God does promise a change when we follow after Him. But the promised change is a change of character, not necessarily circumstance. God longs to change us inside. In the past, I have dealt with sin by instinctively trying to run away from it (sometimes distance is certainly needed). I tried to change my circumstance. In my early days at MIT, when I saw how lazy I truly was, I longed for a change. To get away from MIT. So I spent time away from what I thought was the problem, and really enjoyed myself. The problem is that the problem was still there. Because the problem, in actuality, was a problem with my character, not my circumstance. I was (still am, largely) lazy, and MIT only showed it clearly. And as long as I was away from MIT and removed the circumstance, I never really saw my true character. It was beneficial for a while, but I did not change. MIT was and is my Nineveh (I even named my computer after the city Jonah was called to visit :) ). I am back in Nineveh right now, and am finally seeing a small piece of the hope that is promised in these verses from Romans.

And as a matter of fact, God often (always?) uses difficult circumstances to change our character. Suffering or conflict show us what we really are at times when it is difficult to look away from reality. When we can see who we really are, we see how we really need to change. We see that God is the only way to become as we were created to be, because He was the only one that knows what it is to be perfect! All other understandings of perfection are inherently lacking. We can hope to be more than we are right now, because God tells us that we can change. As we see the emptiness of what is here on earth, we can begin to long for Him, and not just a change in circumstance. Praise God for this! It means we are in the process of change.

I think this relationship between character and circumstance affects how we pray, as well. When we see that God wants to change our character, that is what we begin to want, too. We pray, not for our circumstances to change, but for us to change in spite of them. To honestly rejoice regardless of the outcome. To desire most a change in our hearts to become more like Christ's.

You know, romantic relationships can quickly bring to the surface who we really are. When we are that close to a person, they can act as a mirror into ourselves. This gives us opportunity to change on the inside! Just an observation into a little of how God designed us to be along with maybe a bit of why. He wants us in close relationship with Him, and close relationship with others.

As a sidenote, my time in LA was really cool. But it was different than ever before. Each time I have gone back in the past, I had a strong desire to return as soon as possible. And while my trip was great, I had this sense afterwards that I no longer need to return for the long term -- not that the desire was not still there in a lot of ways, but it is now somehow different than it was.

Also, more photos to follow as soon as I have time. I am pretty busy this week with school, and my computer is sick at home, so I am not sure when I will get to them.

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:11 PM | Comments (6)

around LA

Ryan and I grew up in the same little hometown in Missouri, Carl Junction. We lived just 2 blocks away, and even had some late night run-ins with the police. When we went away to college in Boston, we lived 2 doors down.

Today I was yet again blessed to catch up with an old friend. Ryan and I had a lot of fun, and brought out a bit of ourselves from the old days. I got out the big 500mm zoom lens, and we went down Melrose taking photos like paparazzi knowing full well that these people weren't famous. We even followed a Hollywood tour bus for a while in hopes of catching a glimpse (and maybe even a shot) of some randomly famous person, or more likely their house. But alas, the cunning fellow was able to elude us.

We then had dinner with one of Ryan's old friends from San Fran, and had a great time eating greek on the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. We got some cool shots throughout the day, and Ryan took that last one of me. Let the photo naming begin.

additional photos lost

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:22 AM | Comments (5)

The Top Down

Today I went out driving. I picked up the new Coldplay, the soundtrack to Eternal Sunshine, and a new album by Gary Jules, best known for his remake of "Mad World" in Donnie Darko. I did a loop from the 710 to the 60 to the 605 to the 10 and back home while listening to all of them. I am most impressed right now with the Eternal Sunshine soundtrack, but that is likely because I already knew the music somewhat. It was total elation to be driving on the freeway with the top down and blasting the music, with my trusty RedSox hat to protect my already slightly sunburnt head (some extra pigment was a big goal of mine) from added rays.

I have so far been able to spend some real quality time with friends out here. It is such a blessing to be able to spend time catching up and really finding out what is going on in people's lives. Things have changed. Gotten better, some worse, but things move so quickly. I was truly blessed to be a part of these people's lives in a significant way for the time I lived here. And I am again blessed to be sharing some small bit of life with them.

And there are more people I get to hang out with.

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:48 AM | Comments (2)

The Getty Museum

This is the second of my "on location" (kind of a silly term, don't you think? Aren't we always on location?) web log postings. My brother-in-law has been quite generous with my liberal use of his new Powermac G5, so I can keep yall updated.

LA has been great. This past Sunday I spent some time with my sister, brother-in-law, and a couple of other friends from my old church, Mosaic. We took a trip to the Getty Museum, and spent most of the day there. I was totally awe-struck by the sheer beauty of the architecture of this place. I could literally stay for an entire week and never get even remotely sick of taking photos. As a matter of fact, I am going back this Saturday to take more.

Let the photo naming contest begin. I suggest "Irony" for the first one in the second row.

   
   
   
   

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:49 AM | Comments (4)

Eternal Sunshine

Well, I am in Los Angeles now, the land of eternal sunshine. So it is ironic that I just watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind this afternoon. I hate it when someone tells me too much about a movie or hypes it up in some way, so all I will say is that you might want to see it. I liked it. If you want more details or have already seen it, let me know. I would enjoy talking about it

I will be posting to the blog from California, as my brother-in-law just got DSL in the house. So stay tuned. I will be "on location" for the entire week.

Entry posted by byscuits at 09:05 PM | Comments (0)

spring break has sprung

I finished my second test last night, and I think I did pretty well. Worst case is that I still will pass the test, which is really cool. Best case, I could have done better than class average (which is really good for me). It felt so good to finish, and to know I did decently. Now I can totally enjoy my vacation.

Speaking of which, I leave tomorrow morning bright and early to fly to LA. Here is the flight info:

AA Flight #25
Departs BOS 7:20am
Arrives LAX 10:54am

I am leaving the house in the morning in shorts and sandals. I don't care if my feet freeze before I leave Boston, I am going to be ready for the sun, dangit.

These past two weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. I voluntarily gave something away that meant a lot to me, but I knew it had to be done. I hope for it to be returned, but it is entirely out of my hands now. It is hard to stick with what you know is the best, especially when your heart disagrees so much.

Jeremiah 17
⁹ The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

My heart is not always to be trusted.

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:26 PM | Comments (0)

one down, one to go

Quick update. I finished my electronics test yesterday, and did pretty well, maybe better than the first test. I have my thermo test tonight at 7:30, so am preparing like a mad man. Pray that I would have focussed study. Scores for both tests should come back after next week's spring break.

I forgot to post a while back, but there are several new photos over at the pixelbox. Here are the ones taken yesterday:

   

New titles courtesy of Mr. Greg Kawai.

Entry posted by byscuits at 04:04 PM | Comments (3)

tests again

I have two tests this week: one tomorrow at 1 pm, and one Thursday at 7 pm. The electronics test tomorrow should be okay, but I am more concerned about it right now. Last night I was in FredS' lab late allowing him to graciously hammer some core EE stuff into my noggin. Still processing today - I was sitting in a meeting at work today where I was kind of bored, so I pulled out my notebook and started making up circuits just to analyze them.

I have a quiz review tonight at 7:30 pm, so before and after that is study time. If you guys could pray for diligence and concentration, that would be really appreciated. Honestly, these past couple of weeks have been the most difficult emotionally that I have had in a few years. I had to let something go last week that really meant a lot to me, and keeping that in the right place in my heart has proven to be very difficult. Pray that I will allow God will be my strength and that He will be the one ultimate desire of my heart.

Tonight we are supposed to have a huge snowstorm. One that will make all others so far this year in Boston look like a snow globe. Okay, so not really that bad. But it is supposed to be nasty. Time to break out the snow shoes.

Lately I have had a desire to only listen to praise music. While Waterdeep and Matt Redman are my absolute favorites, I am venturing more into the Passion genre of praise - David Crowder band and Charlie Hall. Any suggestions for other worship music? The deeper the lyrics the better.

I leave this Saturday morning for a little over a full week in Southern California. A good friend is once again allowing me to borrow his manual transmission Miata, and I cannot wait to get on the freeways in the sun. In the latter part of the week, Ryan Pierce is driving down from the bay area to hang out. We are driving down to Mexico, and picking up a college friend in San Diego. Should be a total blast!

I will be seeing some of you guys soon.

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:53 PM | Comments (5)

observation

yesterday was a hard day. i had to attend two classes where problem sets were due, and i was empty handed. that feeling always makes me want to skip class. then from 7-9pm, i had a lab to attend, and did not have the pre-lab finished. i really didn't want to go to that one.

putting together some past recent experience, i have put together an observation: the times where the feelings to skip are the strongest are the times where i will get the most out of class. when i actually go through with what i know is right, i learn more than i normally do. i don't believe this is just a coincidence.

examples: in yesterday's blog, i mentioned that i was struggling with many basic concepts needed to complete my electronics problem set. in recitation yesterday where the problem set was due, most of those knowledge holes were filled. the very things i needed to know were explained. and then at one point in the thermo lecture directly following, i paused and looked at the board. for one of the first times in that class, i could look at the entirity of the information, and did not feel lost. as a matter of fact, i felt i had a good grasp of all of it (not to say i will not be studying like a madman before next week's test).

and then in the early evening, i decided to go into electronics lab an hour early to try to finish the prelab and maybe even catch up on the lab i skipped last week (i told you last week was a bad week). i really only know one person in that whole class, an aquaintance from one of the Christian groups at MIT. i sat down at a station next to him, and we talked a bit. he also didn't attend lab last week, and had come in early to catch up. during the next 3 hours, we finished last week's lab and even got ahead of many of our lab peers. it even turned out that a change had been made, and the pre-lab was not even due! as i was in the middle of this, i was completely blown away at the grace i had been shown by God. honestly, without Nigel, there would have been no way i would have finished even near that much work. in no way did i deserve such a blessing. when i had the strongest aversion to work, i was blessed the most by being diligent.

listening to Rich Mullins a lot lately. there seems to be something in the music itself, not just the words, that exudes the peace of Christ. i have never felt it that strong from a musician. i have heard this music before, but i have never absorbed it in this way:

and if i weep, let it be as a man
who is longing for his home
-Rich Mullins, if i stand

this line has really affected me. reminds me that it is okay to grieve a loss. to mourn a pain. those emotions are valuable. they point us back to a fact that hits the very root of our existence, no matter what we believe: we were not created for this place. we all know this deep down inside. when we acknowledge it internally, we realize it is okay to mourn loss. to grieve pain. because it shows us ultimately that we are made not just for a relationship with our Creator here on earth, but for an eternity with Him.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:34 PM | Comments (3)

tests, hurt, and harm

last night i was feeling really frustrated because i was having a difficult time understanding the homework i was working on. i was just lacking a few pieces of information here and there that was making progress near impossible. i also realized the urgency of the situation since i have two tests next week.

as i waiting for the bus to head home for the evening, i had very little peace about things. i just started thinking and praying. i realized that right now in my life i have two choices: serve God or myself. that may seem like a rather elementary revelation, but it especially seems that my life right now is so full of things, that if i do not take every single one first to God, it will all fall apart. right now i am being tested and refined as i never have before: it's go time.

so if you guys think to, prayer would be really appreciated. i am not asking for prayer that i do well in my classes or any particular outcome, but prayer that i would wholely submit my life to God.

on a slightly related note, here is a concept i have never heard before that comes to me out of the "boundaries" book i am reading (at least never expressed in this way). it deals with the difference between hurt and harm. i think a lot of times in our life when we feel pain, we do not distinguish between the two.

one illustration used in the book deals with going to the dentist. if you have a cavity, you go to the dentist to get it fixed. and that involves drilling. the dentist's intentions from the start are to hurt you, but there is no harm intended. as a matter of fact, the end result of is a good thing. hurt can cause good.

conversely, if you eat a piece of candy, does it hurt you? quite the contrary. candy is dang good stuff. but if you look at it long-term. the end result is really harmful. so the candy harms you, but does not hurt.

i think this really relates to how God interacts with us. while He at times hurts us, it is always to do something good in our lives. and his motivation is never to harm.

i am really liking this book.

Entry posted by byscuits at 04:52 PM | Comments (3)

boundaries and googling

i have recently been reading a book called "boundaries" by henry cloud and john townsend. i have been learning a lot about myself through this, and thoroughly enjoy reading this book. i especially appreciate how this book is rooted in an understanding of our relationship to the God that created us, describes what unhealthy boundaries can look like, and shows how we can develop healthy ones. some very cool stuff has been changing in my life because of the ideas in this book. while very hard at times, i believe they are core issues that need to be dealt with. i have been blessed by what is presented in this book.

have you guys ever googled yourself? unfortunately, i show up number two for "david gandy" (i'm gonna have to get that reverend...). it is also fun to google friends and long lost aquaintences see what shows up for them. i started thinking a bit about this because a comment was posted yesterday on an old blog entry of mine. i wrote about a guy i saw in concert, dean fields, and some of the music on his debut album. pretty good stuff. my guess is he googled himself and found my blog entry on the first page of google hits. then he posted a comment. :)

for those of you in boston, dean fields will be in concert this saturday at one of my favorite clubs in boston, club passim. the music in this place is always top-notch, and to even open at this place you gotta be pretty good. i would really like to make it to the concert this weekend, so might buy tickets online later this week. if you want to hear some of his stuff, i highly recommend "anymore." you can listen to the mp3 from his website here. it is my kind of music, very chill and thoughtful.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:05 PM | Comments (1)

peace

i've done a considerable amount of slacking over the past week, so it was good last night to get some work done. i really enjoy it when i do work. not so much at the time, but more the satisfaction of having worked hard on something. invested some of myself. taken a risk.

some of you guys know this past week has been a little rough for me. yesterday i really went to God with my life and started realigning things a bit. that was part of what motivated me to work last night (you know, i really like working out of a good motivation - to serve God). anyways, this morning when i woke up, i had a good deal of peace. amazing how much your mind can process while asleep. thanks to you guys that have been praying for me. and i still really need it. :)

on saturday night helena and i went to grab some food at this place in central square (correct me on the name if i'm wrong, helena) called the green street cafe. i now have a new favorite restaurant in the boston area. everything was totally outstanding. they have a distinct carribean influence on the menu, and we ordered sides of yucca and plantains. the yucca was the best i have ever had. but the plantains.... helena can describe the look of utter enjoyment on my face when i tried one. i don't know if i can even describe it in words. somehow they managed to bring out the best of the plantain flavor. it highly recommend this little out of the way restaurant.

having lunch today with my freshman advisor from 1996. he does a lot of missions work down in the venezuelan amazon, and i was even planning on spending a summer with him down there back in 1998. i have really only been to the eastern parts of asia for missions work, so visiting somewhere else would probably be a good idea. this guy is a tough nut to crack, though. i have a hard time "getting" him. it is just hard for me to figure where this guy is coming from. it will be nice to catch up with him and see how things have been.

a week and a half till LA. before that, 2 tests. then i can relax in the socal sun...

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:13 AM | Comments (2)

results back from my first thermo test

i got back the results from my first thermo test today. class average was 12/20, and the standard deviation was 3.5 - that's a huge standard dev! anyways, i squeaked in at 8.5/20, so that puts me exactly one standard dev away from average. that's pretty much exactly what i got on my first electronics test. so i am really stoked, because flunking on this past test was a 5/20. so that means i have a bit of breathing room to an extent. not an excuse to be lax, but an excuse to relax. :)

for most people in that class, i am sure my grade would have been cause for disappointment. but as i was walking out of that lecture hall, i just felt totally excited. like my work has not been for nothing. and the really cool thing is that most of the new stuff is looking really familiar (maybe because i have taken the class twice already).

it is a good day.

Entry posted by byscuits at 04:18 PM | Comments (4)

need some opinions

one of my housemates asked me to take photos of her for her senior voice recital for berklee college of music. we narrowed it down to two, and i need your help to pick one. i am finishing the project today around 5pm, so if you can send your feedback before then (just leave a comment) i would be most appreciative. if you could even include a bit about why you like one over the other, that would be great.

looks like this one won. thanks guys!

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:38 AM | Comments (9)