excerpts

i really enjoy reading old journal entries and writings. things written by a person that i still remember being. here are some random excerpts

04/30/03
i loathed my sin, my self
i tried to forget, but held on
deluding myself, despising you

and one with a slightly different flavor

05/20/03
by now if you don't know
then i should know
that we're a no go

maybe one day i'll get around to fleshing out some of those ideas. i haven't written in a while. maybe i'll get back into practice one day, but not anytime soon. school is the priority now.

speaking of which, it starts tuesday. taking thermal fluids engineering II and intro to electronics.

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:02 PM | Comments (2)

YATTLA

(yet another trip to los angeles)

okay, this is a little crazy. i normally fly american airlines for trips out to los angeles because they are the only ones that fly non-stop. i really don't very much like flying at all, and layovers just make it an order of magnitute worse (hey, i'm going to mit again. i am going back to my geek roots with that phrase there).

anyways, i found a deal on american airlines (here) where if you fly 2 round trips from boston to los angeles before april 15, you can get a free round trip ticket to anywhere american flies in the world.

there also happen to be amazing deals right now on flights from boston to los angeles. i found two round trips, the first during spring break and the second during good friday, that were non-stop for each leg, with the combined price for both of them at $425. i talked to my boss today, got the necessary time off, and booked the following two trips:

trip 1

sat 03/20, aa #25 depart BOS 7:30am arrive LAX 10:54am

sat 03/27, aa #192 depart LAX 9:20pm arrive BOS 5:34am

trip 2

tue 04/06, aa #223 depart BOS 5:35pm arrive LAX 8:53pm

sun 04/11, aa #222 depart LAX 7:25am arrive BOS 3:52pmm

and i now have a round trip ticket to my choice of over 40 countries. do i hear any suggestions? i am thinking offhand ireland or some part of the UK. or... ooh ooh ooh - china.

Entry posted by byscuits at 05:53 PM | Comments (4)

a challenge

i realized my life has been lacking a challenge. a specific goal to work towards. it has led to the directionless meandering my life has taken over the past 6 months.

that said, i now have a challenge at hand. i found out today that i have been officially readmitted to MIT. done deal. i just have to get the details taken care of. right now i am working out a balance between my school and work schedules.

last week i was kind of scared of going back to school. when i found out the final word this afternoon, that fear went away. a task is at hand. it is time to complete the challenge.

i need to cultivate this excitement by not compromising my school performance. the first day of school is next week.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:21 PM | Comments (5)

memory is a terrible thing to waste

okay. i dunno how many of you will even care about this, but i thought this was a really cool find today.

creative labs has been competing with apple in the mp3 player market now for a while, and recently released their own 4 gb mp3 player, called the muvo2. the muvo sells for $50 less than the ipod mini for the same storage space, so is a better deal (tho many people prefer the ipod mini).

i was reading on one of my photography forums today that someone had gotten ahold of the muvo2 and taken it apart. they found what they knew was already there - a 4 gb compact flash card (a type of memory used in digital cameras). they removed the cf card, put it in their digital camera, and it worked great. so they essentially got a 4 gigabye compact flash card for $200.

this is a really good deal, since the exact same compact flash card sells for 2.5 times that price at $500. but that's not all folks! people have been able to replace the compact flash card with a smaller card, reinstall the firmware, and get a great mp3 player out of the deal!

anyways, it was a good day. i took a chance and ordered one of these. surgery might take place next week. if i take the time, i'll post pictures, too. you can find more out here and see pictures of the process here. amazon and buy.com have them for sale.

no word on MIT yet.

Entry posted by byscuits at 05:04 PM | Comments (2)

out of my hands

this morning i turned in all of the paperwork for my reapplication to MIT. they meet either today or tomorrow to decide if they are going to let me back in. so i should know by friday for sure either way. to tell you the truth, either possibility is exciting to me.

i joined a bible study at park street cafe a week ago, and last night was our first meeting. it was a little intimidating, as i was the only new person of something like 15. we are studying romans right now (seems to be a theme in my life), and i was a bit concerned about how deep the study would go. you can easily get stuck in the theology presented in romans without ever getting to the best stuff - people opening up about how these things actually affect their lives and speaking out of their personal experience. but it turned out great. people honestly seemed to be looking for answers, and when people shared, they told about how they themselves had found answers in very real ways. the moment i left, i was already looking forward to next week's meeting. but i am looking for quite a bit more than just a good bible study. i am looking for a bit of community. so i'll give it a chance and see what happens.

i need coffee.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:18 PM | Comments (0)

that day

i never got this till today. i never Saw it. amazing how an idea can be heard so often that it loses meaning.

now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known." - 1 corinthians 13:12

Paul is making a comparison here at the end of this often misused chapter on love. he is saying in this verse that we know love in part, but not quite yet. he is also saying we know Christ in part, since the two are indistinguishable. but then, in the future, when Christ has returned, we shall know him fully as we ourselves are fully known by him right now! what a thing to anticipate! i know how i need Christ to sustain me right now, and it is what i live for when i chose to live. but this joy, this hope, this peace i know presently is nothing at all compared to what i will fully know on that day!

i feel an excitement for that return in a way i never have.

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:49 PM | Comments (0)

like a kid...

i have recently been looking for a good candy store that sells jelly bellies as individual flavors in bulk. i checked out jelly belly online, and looked for some shops near where i work. a friend from work and i checked it out one day (it was the boston children's museum), but they just had little bags of the 49 flavor mix. there are just too many flavors i am not fond of in those bags, so i moved on.

yesterday my coworker comes by my desk with a big smile on his face and tells me has good news. apparently just around the corner from our daily visits to dunkin donuts, there is a little candy store that has just what i am looking for. unfortunately, they do not have dr. pepper beans, but they have my number two favorite, watermelon. they may not be as good flavor-wise, but they are especially cool since the outside is green, and the inside is red. nice touch.

also currently sitting on my desk are bags of pink grapefruit, the much maligned buttered popcorn, cantaloupe, sizzling cinnamon, and a mix of sours. all in all, it was a good day at the candy store.

after visiting the online site, i found that they now added 3.5 oz. bags for each of the flavors! this is an insanely good idea. i mean i could commit to kilo bag of dr. pepper beans, but if i just wanted to try a flavor, i never had an option. until now. i just placed an order for red apple, caramel corn, very cherry, and a new flavor i have never seen before: tabasco flavored cinnamon. expected delivery: january 23. circled on the calendar.

i was talking with someone the other day about the idea that redheads are more susceptible to pain and need more anaesthesia during surgery than the average person. they looked at me like i was crazy. i am not crazy. at least not for that reason. :)

tonight i am going to see a movie with some friends. we have to pick which one, so i need some suggestions from you guys. which movies in the theaters right now have you guys seen that you recommend, or which ones do you really want to see? tops of my list right that i have not seen are cold mountain and the last samurai.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:00 PM | Comments (4)

coldest since 1950

the weather today in boston sets a record for the coldest weather since 1950. with the windchill, the weather will get down to more than 45 degrees below zero. that means with exposed skin, frostbite hits in 15 minutes, no joke. cnn has an article here.

thinking a bit more about long term ministry. maybe something combining photojournalism, if possible.

Entry posted by byscuits at 05:03 PM | Comments (3)

dean fields

i went to a random concert sunday night with some friends, and happened upon dean fields. i picked up his cd that night, and the whole album is great. his voice reminds me a bit of aaron neville, especially on the song anymore (mp3 link):

anymore
i found my way to you on a windless breeze.
i watched you drift with the greatest of ease.
as the shadows pulled you further from view,
it's coming clear...
i donÕt know you anymore.
iÕm at the station waiting on a bus.
the moments move the last seconds left of us.
the wheels will ride and tear their way between.
a tear will slide.
you donÕt love me anymore.
700 ocean water miles, 11 hours of land left to drive,
and 6 long months will separate
until i donÕt love you anymore.

check out all the mp3's if you want, but buy the album if you really like it.

Entry posted by byscuits at 04:13 PM | Comments (1)

more reviews

lots more reviews today. i went though my shelf last night and wrote all the movies down. maybe i will make a database of these one day. pretty easy to hack together with mysql and php.

helena's reqested:
he ni zai yi qi (usa - together) (?/10) - i honestly need to see this one again. i know i watched it, and liked it somewhat, but really cannot remember as much as i would like. netflix rental.
the transporter (6.5/10) - good action, terrible leading actress. would help if she spoke english. at all.
hero (9.5/10) - need to watch this one again. i really liked it, but need to see it again. great action, great artistry, and a cool plot. an excellent foreign film.
bring it on (5/10) - as andy puts it, this is the best film of its genre - the cheerleader genre. otherwise, i found it moderately entertaining, but wholely awful.
sweet home alabama (6.5/10) - i liked this film most the first time i saw it. typical chick flick in its refusal to live in the real world, but not bad. each time i saw it after that, i liked it less.
the italian job (8.5/10) - action was good. plot was fun. and it a heist movie. go see it. i will likely own it someday. oh, and the guy and girl didn't sleep together. i always like that.
the englishman who went up a hill and came down a mountain (9/10) - i really like this one. very charming. very sweet. wholesome. quaint. the accents rock.

my collection:
10 things i hate about you (8/10) - it's nice and sweet. based on shakespeare, it's not bad. a bit silly and teenybopperish, but it's supposed to be
12 monkeys (9.5/10) - beautiful movie. brad pit is amazing, as is bruce willis. i don't think he's the greatest actor in the world, but bruce manages to pick some good movies to be in. terry guilliam is peak in directing this film, based off the french short la jetee (the jet). if you can find a copy of that film go see it. i only know of one place in the world to find it, and its a dvd film magazine long out of print.
24 - first season (9.5/10) - excellent writing. good suspense, and great character development. i tried watching the first few episodes of season 2, but just didn't like it. i prefer to think of it as its own thing. like the 3 original star wars movies. the new ones just aren't a part of the same thing.
american movie (8.5/10) - really hard to rate this one because certain parts are just gold, and other parts are a bit boring. likely, this will be the only documentary on this list. the first time i watched it, i was sure it was a mockumentary, not the real thing. it just wasn't believable that people could actually be this stupid. it gets repetitive after the first half hour, and i don't think i have ever seen the end more than once. good to pop in and just watch. quite a bit of profanity, which can be a turn off.
antitrust (8/10) - i actually liked this one. pretty clever, and very anti microsoft. pretty good suspense. definitely better than i expected.
back to the future 1 (8.5/10) - one of the few movies i got to see before i was 10, this movie has always been magical in my imagination. i remember driving home from my uncle's house after watching it, and seeing lightning in the sky. it burned into my brain, and i still remember the shape. maybe one day, it will be my flux capacitor.
back to the future 2 (7/10) - nothing special here, but fun to watch
back to the future 3 (7/10) - not too bad. might as well watch all 3, since they exist.
band of brothers (10/10) - this 10 part world war 3 hbo miniseries is unbelievable. every guy should watch this.
ben hur (9.5/10) - amazing film. one of two movies to ever get 11 academy awards, and the other was a joke. hard to watch the second half, as it is largely about the crucifixtion.
the best bits of mr bean (8/10) - good stuff. wish i had all the episodes.
big (9.5/10) - this movie is just plain awesome. what every kid dreams of - to be big. still brings me back to childhood to watch it. if you haven't seen this one, then you just aren't... well, then you haven't seen it. change that.
blade (7/10) - action is good. a bit weak in other areas, but really cool to watch. guess it's a bit overly bloody too.
blade runner (9/10) - very nifty film, artisitically. it is really hard to create an atmosphere that is so foreign and so believable in a film. i really enjoyed it. need to watch it again.
boiler room (7/10) - i liked this one quite a bit the first time i saw it, but in successive watchings, like it less. enjoyable, but not necessary.
bourne identity (8.5/10) - i like spy movies that seem believable.
braveheart (10/10) - i am william wallace. at least i was for 3 hours.
catch me if you can (10/10) - great film. i read the book about frank abagnale's exploits, and it was completely different. written in his late twenties, the book is full of arrogance and a lack of remorse. if you do some research online, you will find some very interesting sources, one of which is abagnale himself. he's a very grown up man now, and seems to understand a good deal about life and what really makes it worth living.
chicken run (7.5/10) - one of those cute wholesome movies.
city hall (?/10) - i own this, and really cannot remember why. i can't even remember much about watching it. or wanting to again.
city of lost children (9.5/10) - wow. best french film i have ever seen (but really, what does that mean?), and contends with hero for the best foreign film i've ever seen. moving in artistry, and a compelling story that is pretty complex. took me a couple of times watching it get most of it.
crouching tiger hidden dragon (8.5/10) - i saw this three times opening week in LA before it was out in any other cities. great film, and i love the effects. some people can't handle the flying stuff, but i like it. apparently michelle yeoh's mandarin is attrocious, but that's just what i've heard.
edward scissorhands (8/10) - beautiful movie by tim burton. more surreal than big fish, this film was a little hard to identify with. just a different world i didn't relate to much. very cool to watch though, and i love johnny depp.
escape from new york (4/10) - i really don't know why i own this one either. a bit of a cult classic, this movie only appeals on that level to me.
falling down (9/10) - beautiful. about a defense contractor who one day just snaps. though not mentioned specifically, he worked at the same place i did in LA for a while. :) so i understand the man.
the fast and the furious (8.5/10) - while not a film, this movie is great for what it is. doesn't try to be clever or intelligent, this movie is just packed with testosterone. and i do like vin diesel.
fiddler on the roof (10/10) - amazing film. another movie i have a hard time getting to the end. it just gets so sad... i love the picture of another culture.
fight club (9/10) - i just think this one if fun to watch. tho a bit twisted, i found this one very enjoyable.
finding nemo (8/10) - standard fare from pixar, which means it was really good. i have been told i am the sea turtle by multiple people.
frequency (8/10) - cool concept. a bit lacking in some areas, this is a really nice film i would see again.
galaxy quest (9/10) - beautiful. even without knowing what this is parodying, this is still an enjoyable movie. tho seeing all the jabs at the star trekkies is fun too. even though i am one. slightly.
george lucas in love (8.5/10) - this is an 11 minute short film about george lucas in college. really funny.
ghost dog (8/10) - forest whitaker is great in this. i want to see him in more films.
glengary glenross (8/10) - i need to see this one again to really get it, i think.
good will hunting (9/10) - i remember when they were filming parts of this at MIT. turned out of be a good movie, and a nice peek into life in boston's southie.
grave of the fireflies (9/10) - this movie is heavy. that's the only way to describe it. set in japan during world war 2, this movie is pretty bleak at times. very sad overall.
heat (7/10) - enh. again, ask me why i own this. maybe someone can tell me why so many people like it.

okay, that's enough for now. look for more possibly later today.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:21 AM | Comments (2)

a grief observed

i have recently been reading the short book by c.s. lewis, a grief observed. when his wife died, lewis kept a journal of his thoughts. a while after the experience, he put these writings together into an amazingly honest set of thoughts. here is an excerpt:

talk to me about the truth of religion and i'll listen gladly. talk to me about the duty of religion and i'll listen submissively. but don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or i shall suspect that you don't understand.

the book is a progression of healing from a process i cannot even begin to grasp - the loss of a wife. lewis is at times very angry and self-centred in this process, as he readily admits. there is an honestly of anger in his words that we are often taught to squelch. lewis, one of the greatest Christian philosophers, had doubts about God and faith and pain and the afterlife. very reassuring.

when lewis first wrote this book, it was published under a pen name. a friend read the book, and then strongly recommended it to lewis, thinking it might help him in the healing process. it is a short read at 74 pages in large print, and i highly recommend it.

taking a page from ms. fu, i think i shall start rating movies on a scale of 1-10. a full blown review of all of them is just too daunting. for now, here is a short list of a few

favorites of all time
1. chariots of fire (10/10) - best... movie... ever!
2. the shawshank redemption (10/10) - an exception to erika's "no movie can be good that starts with the word 'the'" rule. it just takes the right person to make the most of stephen king's phenomenal writing.

action
terminator 1 (6/10) - a little boring
terminator 2 (7/10) - better, and much tighter. john connor is annoying, though
terminator 3 (8/10) - the best of the 3, imo. acting, plot, and character development are all actually present
the matrix - (9/10) - while showing itself to be just a tiny bit dated, this movie has shown great resilience in it's lasting value
the matrix 2 (2/10) - at least it was artistically well done. not much else to see here. move along
the matrix 3 (3/10) - at least it's over. really. move along.
star wars 1 (3/10) - sucked
star wars 2 (4/10) - sucked II.

comedy
ace ventura (6.5/10) - excellent when it came out, but the comedy and plot line are entirely too dated for repeat viewings.
dumb and dumber (9.5/10) - the peak of dumb comedy. i could watch this over and over and over again. and i have.
office space (9.5/10) - this one also stands up well to repeated viewings. umm... yeah... didn't do great at the box office, but exploded on video
sneakers (8/10) - i first saw this movie my freshman year in high school, when going up to visit my older brother in college. this movie was just the icing on the cake of a weekend that i would never forget. i wanted to be just like those guys in the movie.

chick flick
anne of green gables (9/10) - great movie. plot really isn't the focus here (is it ever in a chick flick?), but character development is phenomenal. a nice quaint story.
pride and prejudice (8/10) - i liked this one a lot, too. now i'll have to read the book.

drama
3 days of the condor (8/10) - originally 7 days when a book, this one works well on screen. and a plot that was surprisingly prophetic even today. redford just plain rocks. did i mention that? oh, no i didn't. well he does. so there.
the sixth sense (8/10) - an excellent movie by shamalamadingdong, but isn't as exciting on repeated viewings.
unbreakable (8.5/10) - yes, i realize this is rated higher than sixth sense, but i liked it better, and thought that while it was not as much of a blockbuster, it was better artisitically. beautiful movie.
signs (9/10) - holy crap. did you see this in the theater? whoa. seems like it was more frightening to guys, but i was totally freaked out sitting in that chair. i don't know how many times i jumped.
big fish (9/10) - now in theaters, this is a good movie. go see it. i hate it when people tell me too much about a good movie.

Entry posted by byscuits at 05:26 PM | Comments (3)

a little off.

i just got back from hanging out with some friends. i have this odd feeling that something just isn't right. something just feels off. like i am walking and talking in a world that isn't the same as it was 6 hours ago. something is unsettled in me.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:39 AM | Comments (0)

an ordinary day

rather pensive today. lots to think about.

i read the blog of an old friend today, as i do occasionally. we had a falling out of sorts, but i really enjoy knowing what is going on in their life now. we don't ever see each other anymore, but there are good reasons. maybe some day i can see them again. might be nice. most likely a good deal of awkwardness, but i think it would be a really good thing.

i find within myself a heart that is truly dark. when left to my own will, i can pretty quickly and easily run my life into the ground. in pretty much every respect. i look again at some of my old writings and see that the places i have been are the places i will go again.

your face
i can barely see
   a semblance
   an outline
   the features
   i knew so well.

in this darkness
   i've lost the edges.
   i lead my life
   a blind man
   stumbling on
   breaks in the concrete.

pick me up
   see the scabs i've torn wide
   clean the blood
   show me
   You love me.
   tell me i am
   still Your son.
   cover me in Your grace,
   so i can once again see
   Your face.

i have recently once again seen a truth in my life: the only thing that can truly motivate us to change is love. when love is the root of expressed concern for someone, and not a condescending "i know what is best for your life so listen to me," change can more easily occur. i need to be more conscious of this in my relationships, and more intentional at putting it into practice. i guess another piece of that is that advice is best received when asked for. most often people don't want to know my opinion. :)

i pick up a old friend from the providence airport tonight. the friendship being the old part, not the friend. :) she is moving out from california to go to music school at berkelee.

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)

back in boston

i spent a couple of weeks in my hometown, carl junction, missouri. the time was very well spent, and i really enjoyed all the time i was able to spend with family and friends. it was especially fun to go home and see my nephew growing up and my sister-in-law really really pregneant (she is due on the 7th). there really wasn't any time that i felt was wasted. i just got wasted from being so busy. :)

i was taking photos pretty much non-stop, and i had several that turned out well. click on the title for the full pixelbox entry and click on the thumbnails for the enlarged image.

Christmas
 
   

Carl Junction
 
 

i wouldn't mind taking a couple of weeks to just go home and photograph carl junction. i think it is now time for me to take on a photography project of some sort with a theme. the carl junction pixelbox entry is a start, but to really capture carl junction, i think i would need to live there. maybe every time i go home from now on i could take a chunk of time and capture just a little bit every year.

i originally started getting into photography with the intention of moving on to cinematograhy. while i might tackle that beast someday, i am content right now with just taking still shots. i would love feedback on the photos, if yall have time.

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:49 AM | Comments (2)