rosebud

two nights ago, i watched "citizen kane" for the first time. i am not sure i would call it the best movie ever made (ala AFI), but it was certainly a groundbreaking film. the more i think about it and discuss it (with malwitz), the more i come to appreciate it. it an interesting character study about a boy who one day inherits an enormous fortune. as his parents are not allowed to see a dime of the money, they send him off for the best schooling until he is old enough to command his fortune. kane's is the tragic life of having everying money can manipulate, but longing for something he can never buy. in the opening minutes of the film, charles foster kane dies, muttering one last word - "rosebud." the film then delves deep into the life of this newspaper tycoon in an oddly effective non-chronological storytelling. i love films that do this, as it builds a sense of mystery - you know the end, but are trying to figure out just how the film will get there.

the film goes alongside "solaris" as a film i hope to one day own.

jill stonehouse recently left a cd by matt redman in my roommates car. before it is returned, i have been listening to it a good amount. redman's voice reminds me of the lead singer of delirious, and i thought it was the same person at first. my favorite line so far, from the song "befriended:"

my greatest gift will be the least You're due

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:59 PM

rich mullins

this morning i was listening to rich mullins. he was a man whose life fascinates me. i remember seeing him in concert just a few weeks before he died, and being amazed at how humble the show was. everyone involved was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans while walking around barefoot. they got up on the stage of this little backwoods church in missouri, and started praising God. i doubt i will ever forget that night.

he was a humble man. even though nearly every album he ever created was a hit, he still lived in a trailer and drove and old pickup truck. in his song "Elijah," rich sings,

when i leave i wanna go out like Elijah. with a whirlwind of fuel my chariot on fire.

i don't quite know what to say when i think about how he died - in a car accident. i don't know whether to call it prophecy or to give it some lesser name. nevertheless, he went out just like he wanted. "Elijah" is my favorite of his.

i was drinking in the lyrics this morning to "songs," an album of some of his best music. though a Godly man, rich mullins never married. yet i have never heard a song where he sings of this. his heart desired Christ, and Knew it was the only thing that could ever fill him. perhaps to sing of the desire for a wife would be trite in the light of what he knew to be true. the closest i have heard is another line in "Elijah,"

this life has shown me how we're mended and how we're torn how it's okay to be lonely as long as you're free

i really like that last line. one of the things on my mind right now is looking straight at the possible reality that i may never be married. i desire to one day have a wife, but i think it is important to look directly at that fear and let it turn into faith. not a faith that blindly believes that i will one day get married, but a faith that truly Knows that God is good, whatever happens.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:08 PM | Comments (1)

photo update

i took a few more pictures yesterday:

   

the fall retreat should provide some good photo ops. check back on monday for the results.

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:46 PM

the fall retreat

work is picking up today. later this afternoon, the environment i need to be testing should be back up. the lack of work has been killing me these past few weeks, so i am excited to actually be doing something again.

the realLife fall retreat is this weekend at lake winnipesaukee, new hampshire. should be really cool. i need a weekend of recharging right now. plus, i will get to take photos of some beautiful scenery, if the weather cooperates.

it is almost funny how easily i am effected by the sunshine. i think that is a big reason i love LA so much -- it is always sunny. sunshine just puts me in a better mood. perhaps i should get one of those lamp thingies that puts out the same kind of light. anybody ever use these?

pray for this weekend, if that is your kind of thing. the fall retreat is always a key time of the year for people, and a lot of big things happen there.

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:48 AM

peace

i spent saturday morning at afternoon taking photos around boston. i snapped the shutter around 500 times between 10am and 5pm, and here are a few i liked the best. i would love to hear critiques:

 
 

you know, it's funny when three people in your life tell you the same thing about yourself all in the same week. especially when you really respect all three people. it is also funny when you speak in generalizations when it is quite clear you are speaking about yourself. (;

sometimes when going about life as a Christian, i get focused on the little things, and forget the big picture. i get bogged down in habitual sins that just seem to drown me. so i praise God when He is able to break me out of that place - when i can again have some sort of honest perspective. the hard part is that this process usually takes something pretty serious happening. some serious stuff has been happening this past week. things i have no control over, but care very deeply about. it is nice that i have somewhere to go in this situation. when worry does no good. when i know the best thing is for me to do nothing. i can bring it to God, grieve for the situation, and pray for His strength for those that are hurting. i know He cares. i know He cares more than i do. in the storms of life, there is peace.

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:56 AM | Comments (2)

solaris

last night i watched 'solaris.' definitely an artsy flick. absolutely beautiful. the first 45 minutes flew by, but seemed like the plot went nowhere. this movie is definitely a 'film' and not so much of a blockbuster. soderbergh heavily weaves themes and quotes from dylan thomas' "and death shall have no dominion." gives it a nice haunting tone.

when the film ended, i was racking my brain trying to figure out what happened, and what the point of the movie was. it is so disjoint that piecing together what happened is difficult. then Andrew reminded me of the most important line in this movie, "there are no answers, only choices." the focus of the movie was not in what happened, but in the choice george clooney's character made. i thought about that for a bit, and decided i loved the movie. brilliant film, with a peaceful touch to it.

i went out taking more pictures last night. the more i do it, the more i realize i need formal training and really need to work at it. there is so much to learn about composition, lighting, metering, and a million other things. but i enjoy it. i love it. i am not very good yet, but i still love it.

other things working in the back of my head.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:14 PM | Comments (4)

back

well, my hosting provider "upgraded" the server that hosts this blog, and broke it for 2 weeks in the process. the mysql server is now back in business, so the blogging now resumes.

things have been pretty crazy this past weekend. i had a sort of blow out conversation with one of the members in the house. we basically have very different views on how God speaks. i personally believe that scripture is the highest authority. that if i feel God is telling me to do something contrary to scripture, i can be sure it is indeed not God. this person disagrees. this is one of those things that goes down to the very root of what i believe. i am at a loss for how to deal with the situation. truth, grace, and time is what i know to go with for right now.

the good part of this experience is that i have become a little further grounded in the Word, and looking am for more. when life is easy, it is harder to rely on God. i really do thank God for difficult times. not just knowing that fact, but really experiencing it - "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope (romans 5:3-4)".

Entry posted by byscuits at 04:17 PM | Comments (1)

cali

i returned last thursday from 6 days in los angeles. what a crazy time. it was nothing like i was expecting or even hoping; it was different. but it was also one of the most meaningful 6 days i can recall.

i went out there admittedly to see about a girl. pretty early on we both realized that it was not going to work, so we talked and that door is now closed. i would not have expected to immediately have peace about the situation, but i did. peace is a good thing.

i also spent time with my life group from 2 or 3 years ago. that was a trip. a lot of us were in the room together, and it was just like old times. some of them are married, some at different churches, and all of us in different phases of this life.

the biggest surprise of the trip was time spent with an old friend. years ago, there was chemistry between us like i have rarely experienced. she really pursued after Christ, but was a new Christian. i was going back to boston, and knew things could not work between us then. at some point thereafter, she left mosaic, and then the church altogether. she has been living her life just as she wants to, and has steadily climbed mountains of pain, only to find a new peak staring at her. that night i asked her, "all those years ago, can you tell me that you honestly never felt the presence of God?" she replied, "i would like to say that i never did, but that's not true." looking back, that whole night was surreal. i have done quite a bit of writing about it, but little of it coherant. spaghetti of emotions.

my boss wants me to stay at work next semester. asked what it would take to keep me there. so maybe i will go to school half time for 2 semesters.

Entry posted by byscuits at 04:01 PM