thinking out loud.

some days crazy things happen. crazy who knows what to think of it, cause it just happened and you have no perspective yet. that is today. this is me, thinking aloud. sorry for the spaghetti.

i was, in essence, asked to seriously consider a teaching position at a nearby Christian college when i graduate. i was told, pretty much point blank, that i could have the job if i wanted it next fall. quite a bit to take in.

pros: 1) i would get to teach. i love teaching. as long as i can remember trying to figure out the things i am good at and the things i really enjoy, teaching has been at the top of the list. 2) this would also be a way to continue a sort of mentorship with someone i greatly respect. 3) i would have quite a bit of free time to pursue creative endeavors both during and outside of the school year. 4) i would get to be in the lives of students at a crucial time in their lives. 5) i would get to be a college professor.

cons: 1) this school is not in california. it is not in LA. i miss LA greatly, and really love living there. 2) any other cons i can think of are derived from 1.

this whole thing is 9 months away. so i don't need to think about it too much, but it is a HUGE option. there are many things to consider. i have faith that, in the end when the time has come to make the decision, i will be prepared in whatever way is necessary.

funny. i wanted to teach in college for some time, but figured i had blown my chances with a decidedly poor undergraduate performance. looks like my grades this coming semester could be quite important.

as always, i would love to hear what you guys think about these rambling streams of consciousness. i value highly the counsel of friends, and take it very seriously. so drop me an email or submit your comments on the blog, cause it is gettin' quiet these past couple days. ;)

i go to LA tomorrow.

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:03 PM | Comments (5)

"reaching for the invisible God"

i am listening to philip yancy's "reaching for the invisible God" on audio book. there are some great things said, and i wish i had a hard copy of the book right with me so i could hilite certain things said. one of the things mentioned today that i found most fascinating was a parallel for how Jesus' own life gives hope to our own (sometime things you always knew really hit you). how He spent his life on this earth to fulfill one purpose: to be crucified and to raise from the dead. his whole life leading up to that point was important, but was really looking forward to what would be done through Him in the future. Jesus was perfect on this earth, but we are not. we await being made perfect, not in this life, but in the one to come. we have faith that God is trustworthy and will do as He promised. we hope to be made into something greater.

i know my words do not put it as well as mr. yancy does, so go out and read the book. good stuff.

at lunch today i took a spiritual giftings inventory. i know these things can be wrong, and are only as accurate as you know yourself, but i came out pretty much as i expected: creative ability, discernment, hospitality, and teaching.

it was interesting reading the questions, and really trying to examine myself to see how i should honestly answer. it was very telling on several of my weaknesses. my lowest was administration, which is also no surprise. :)

my contact lenses arrived today. i wore them for a couple of hours, and took them out as i was getting a slight headache. i have had hard contacts in the past, and had excellent vision with them, better than 20/20. soft contacts cannot get as clear vision as is possible with hard contacts, but boy are they more comfortable. i was given 2 different pairs by different manufacturers, so we will see which ones work best. the first pair i tried on today had much better vision in my right eye than the left, so hopefully the other pair in the left eye will be a better fit.

2 days till LA. yes, i am counting down.

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:19 PM

sleep

i went to bed at 7pm last night, and got up at 8am this morning. i was still sleepy when i got up, and have been sleepy at work today, too. perhaps i got a little too much sleep? that makes me average 8 for the past 2 days, tho.

i saw the proofs last night for all the advertisements. they were beautiful. i will now have to start keeping copies to put in a portfolio.

busy day at work today. not much time to write. :)

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:55 PM

binary

not so long ago, i had this idea about what it meant to be grown up. that one day i would look around me and be able to say, "aha! now i am an adult!" i looked to that day. i wondered why it had not yet occurred. but i see now that, like most things in life, it is a sliding scale.

it is odd how so much of life is forgotten, but certain parts stay with us. how we continue to think about something said to us which that person will never remember. one day when i was very young, i asked my dad when i would be an adult. he answered, "you know, i don't know if i am even an adult." as a child, i was looking for a black and white, but my father knew that most of the things in life worth knowing cannot be expressed in binary. so i look at myself today and do not see an adult; i see someone growing up. i see God changing me.

---

on a very different note, last night i finished all of the publications for mit crusade and boston-wide realLife crusade. if you want to see the images, click below to continue reading.

here are the 3 8.5x11 posters for realLife. greg buckingham is the brains behind all of these ads, and that marketing degree really shows. they will be postered all across the city this thursday. click these images to see a bigger version where you can read the text.

and here are the publications for mit crusade. the first is an 8.5x11 poster, then a quarter sheet bookmark (2.75x8.5), and a business card with calendar on the reverse (3.5x2). these will be used to pass out to freshmen at MIT, and for postering around campus. like those above, click these images to see a bigger version where you can read the text.

that was a lot of work this past week. it feels great to have it done, and all of these will be printed in full color at a professional printers on a monstrous heidelberg press. good stuff.

it is monday. i will be in LA on friday. should be a lot of fun.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:53 PM | Comments (2)

dreams

i had a dream last night that i got my ears pierced. i really have no idea where that came from, as i have not thought of it much recently. perhaps i will pierce them when i head out to LA. i was pretty happy with the results in my dream. someone did tell me i think too much about it. :) perhaps this is confirmation?

dreams are weird. back when it was time to start a new semester at MIT, i would have dreams about my teeth falling out, or being totally unprepared for a test (close to reality most of the time). you guys ever have any weird dreams? i remember falling dreams when i was a kid. those were fun. my favorite were they flying dreams.

i have always been a fan of movies that mix what is real and what is a dream. despite the content, i really liked vanilla sky. they even managed to have some actual truth buried within. it could have played out a little better, tho.

i was up until 4am last night, finishing those advertisements for realLife. i will put up copies of them one day. i promise. really. i just have not had time.

i leave to visit LA in a week and a day. it will be a lot of fun to see friends and spend time with them. i really love that city.

i just realized that after labor day, my next day off is thanksgiving. that's a long time.

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:44 PM | Comments (4)

a blessing

the Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you;
the Lord lift up the light of his countenance upon you, and give you peace.
numbers 6:24-26

i believe this is my favorite blessing in the Bible. in high school choir, each of my siblings and i sang a song with these lyrics. since there are 4 children in my family and our voices are each in a different musical range (soprano, bass, alto, and tenor), we often sang together. towards the end of high school for me, the 4 of us sang this in church, while my mother played the piano accompaniment. before we sang, my father read the passage. a cool memory. every once in a while, the song drifts back into my head.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:18 PM | Comments (2)

background music

as i said in my last blog, i have been listening to the album "quiet is the new loud" by the kings of convenience. i have been told it sounds much like simon and garfunkel, and i would have to agree. since thursday, i have probably listened to the album 20 to 30 times. i have a feeling this will turn into one of my favorite albums of all time. this past week has been very busy, difficult, and fantastic all at the same time. it has been a lot to go through, and this album has been in the background for most of it. when i listen to this album in the future, i believe i will distinctly remember this week.

lots on my mind these days. i feel as though i have been through a fire of sorts recently, and am coming out the better for it.

last night i did a lot of work on an advertisement for the boston metro campus crusade for Christ ministry, realLife. it will be going up sometime this week all around the city. kind of exciting. hopefully, it will be in color, but that is yet to be decided. i might post an image of the ad tomorrow.

i also have several other projects that need to be finished sometime around yesterday. crazy.

i have never had a week that had such a contrast of enjoyable and painful experiences. learning more of what it means to walk with Christ. not trying to find life in the good or the bad, but to allow Jesus to be the source of that life. that no matter what happens, i praise Him even just for who He is.

i wrote this today:

soaked
in the shadow
on my belly
i flail my arms
intently

i need enough speed
so i can stand,
to teeter on a board

i look ahead
soaked in the shadow
of the impending wave

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:50 PM | Comments (2)

crazy week...

listening now to kings of convenience, album titled "quiet is the new loud." i am really into this kind of melancholy music these days.

the weight of my words
there are very many things
i would like to say to you
but i've lost my way
and i've lost my words.
there are very many places
i would like to go but i
can't find the key
to open my door.

this week has been one of the busiest weeks i can recall, both in the activities i have done and how full my head has been. i remember my junior year in high school we switched from regular to block scheduling, meaning that 45 minute math class just went up to an hour and a half. i feel like that. like someone has crammed twice the maximum expected life into this week.

helped helena move last night. she did not have that much to move, but she told a friend she would also pick up a couch for them, since she had the moving van. this couch was the bane of my existence last night. it was a piece of cake to get out of its home, but trying to get into this new place was impossible. literally. we tried for at least an hour. we finally got it up the narrow 2 flights of stairs, only to be beaten by the entrace to the apartment. so, fred and i backed it down the stairs, and back in the van. we then went to helena's place, and moved all of her stuff in. after getting all that in, we decided to put the couch in her place too. so, it went back up to another 3rd floor. this time, it easily fit in the door. the bane of my exitence. it sure was a good workout though. i have not been that physically drained for quite some time.

also, some of you may not have heard some good news. to make a longish story short, tuesday night i expressed interest in a girl, and she reciprocated. we are still getting to know each other better, looking to the possibility of a relationship in the future. it was a nice talk.

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:34 PM | Comments (4)

i want to teach.

i want to teach. the more i think about it, the more i realize that i desire to teach. making films are a lot of fun, and i would still like to work on them in free time, but what i really want to do is teach. possibly high school. programing, physics, math, whatever. maybe i should look to do some tutoring or something in the meantime, before i get my degree.

there are days where you make decisions with wide ramifications. yesterday was such a day. i will be vague on the details, rightly so, as some are not meant to be shared. yesterday i was presented with a choice. from the outside, it was a good thing to do. it was just what i desired, and a year ago i would have jumped at the chance. but things are different now. yesterday i spent a lot of time thinking about this decision. it really turned my head inside out. how could i pass up such a chance? but even without much thought, i knew what was right. i am content in my head about the decision and feel confirmed in my spirit. this morning, on the way to work i was hit with some of the ramifications. i have made poor decisions in the past about similar things, and i realized now the freedom i can walk in. while it was what i desire on the surface, it is not what i long for. i know it is not what God has for me.

listening now to pete yorn, musicforthemorningafter. i love it. good writing with a melancholy mood.

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:10 PM | Comments (2)

the break is over

last week i decided to take a break from most things to do with my computer that weren't obligations. so the blogging went on hold.

last week, however, i did finish the first version of the lonely mountain pictures dvd. it has our original 3 films from the 2002-2003 school year, as well as a director's cut of shockapella. i handed it out to a few people that were leaving town, but the final version that goes out for christmas will be a little more flashy.

last night i also completed the lonely mountain pictures website. currently it is hosted on byscuits.com, but it will eventually make it's way over to lonelymtn.org. just have to get the hosting all set up. the movies are at a decent resolution (400x300), encoded in mpeg4. you will need to have quicktime 6 installed on your computer in order to watch them.

the evening service at park street last night was amazing. it was one of the best sermons i have ever heard in my life. after the sermon, i made my way to the boston common. i found an empty park bench and sat down with my park street bulletin and my commandeered pew pencil. this is the resulting poem:

Your face
i can barely see
   a semblance
   an outline
   the features
   i knew so well.

in this darkness
   i've lost the edges.
   i lead my life
   a blind man
   stumbling on
   breaks in the concrete.

pick me up
   see the scabs i've torn wide
   clean the blood
   show me
   You love me.
   tell me i am
   still Your son.
   cover me in Your grace,
   so i can once again see
   Your face.

i have been re-reading over philipians today, and really looking at chapter 2. last night i had a very deep discussion with one of good friends, and it was interesting that i found my way to this chapter, dealing with the very thing we were talking about. i really do love paul's poetic description of the character of Christ in verses 5-11. i had read it many times in my life, even memorized it. it somehow became a bit more real today.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:22 PM | Comments (1)

smooth ride

i have started working on my yearly edition of "five in a carload," which in past years has been a mix cd that i made, printed labels for the cover, made an insert, and put some poetry from the past year inside. this year's will be similar, but will have 2 discs - one mix cd, and a dvd with our short films from this year. the cd will be entitled "smooth ride," and feature music from sade, the postal service, portishead, waterdeep, coldplay, sting, miles davis, and gonzalo silva, to name a few. the dvd will be playable in nearly all consumer dvd players, and will have the original cut of our first 3 short films. it will also contain a never before seen director's cut of shockapella. i will most likely also put high res copies of all the photos from this year's pixelbox, along with most of my writings, viewable on a computer. preview copies will start floating around in early october before i hand them out for christmas. my guess is that if you are reading this regularly, i already plan to send you a copy. but just in case, make sure to let me know if you want one.

i am going to see "pirates of the carribean" again tonight. fun movie. it will be the 9:45 show at the fenway 13, so let me know if you want me to get you a ticket early online.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:36 PM | Comments (1)