photos and lyrics

at the request of a few people, i have added some new photos:

 

 

i am still listening to 'the postal service' quite a bit. great stuff. here are lyrics from the song 'nothing better'

him:
will someone please call a surgeon
who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
that you're deserting
for better company

i can't accept that it's over
i will block the door like a goalie tending the net
in the third quarter
of a tied-game rivalry

so just say how to make it right
and i swear i'll do my best to comply

tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

her:
i feel must interject here
you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
with these revisions
and gaps in history

so let me help you remember
i've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear
i've prepared a lecture
on why i have to leave

so please back away and let me go

him:
i can't my darling i love you so
tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

her:
don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future.
your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.

him:
i know that i've made mistakes
and i swear i'll never wrong you again

her:
you've got a lure i can't deny
but you had your chance so say goodbye
say goodbye

this guy made his relationship out to be his source of fulfillment. bottom line is that no relationship can ever do that. trust me. i tried. i started thinking about that last night. i realized that i never truly loved the girl. i was so infatuated with the relationship itself, that i didn't even see who she really was. it makes me sad to stare into the face of that. i am so sorry for what i did to her, and how i did not really care for her again and again. some lessons learned come at the cost of others.

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:13 AM | Comments (4)

IR photography

i have recently had requests that i post more pictures. i will admit, the reason i only post a few every now and then is because i only want to post really good photos, because then maybe people will think i am good at taking pictures. :) for every one photo that i have posted, i probably took over 100. sometimes i will go out and shoot 200 photos and not like any of them. i figure if i take enough of them, i am bound to get a decent one or two.

i picked up a couple of new filters to do infrared photography. basically how it works is that it only picks up infrared rays, like from the sun or reflected IR. infrared photos turn out well with lots of sunlight, so a nice sunny day is key. since sometimes you need longer shutter speeds, most people take landscape photos because mountains don't move that much. i am thinking the outdoor train platform at south station would have plenty of sun, and people moving through the photo might have a nice effect. i will post something once i get it.

i am working on a few updates to this site. my blog and writings will stay on byscuits.com, but all my photography, soon to exist(?) portfolio, and resume will exist on davegandy.com, with a more professional-ish look. short films will move over to lonelymtn.org, and will stay there. i am also finishing the final touches on a director's cut of shockapella, and will put the original 3 short films together onto a dvd. let me know if you want a copy.

i have not been getting much sleep lately, mostly my own fault. but i laid down to go to bed last night at 10:30, 2 hours early for me, and woke back up just before midnight. my stomach hurt really bad. i took 2 tylenol pm, some ibuprofen, and drank some ginger ale. and i laid in bed. the sleep meds in the tylenol pm made it where i could barely keep my eyes open, but my stomach made me wide awake. after about 30 minutes of misery, i finally fell asleep. i woke up this morning totally drained. maybe i can get to bed early tonight. sorry if i am a bit cranky today.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:30 PM

the postal service

last night greg nelson introduced me to a new band: the postal service. they have a very electronica feel to them, a sory of subdued joy electric. i've been listening to their album all morning, and there is a song i really like. it is mostly the music, but the lyrics are pretty good too. i am learning how i like writing that leaves so much unsaid.

sleeping in
last week i had the strangest dream where
everything was exactly how it seemed
where there was never any mystery of who shot john f. kennedy
it was just a man with something to prove
slightly bored and severely confused
he steadied his rifle with his target in the center
and became famous on that day in november

don't wake me i plan on sleeping in

i have a new photo up at the pixelbox. it was taken this past weekend at a wedding reception i went to. when this older lady and younger kid got out on the dance floor together, i knew i had to take some pictures. this was by far the best:

these always look better on my mac than they do when i get to work to look at them... it should print up pretty nicely tho.

one month till i head out to LA. one month till the summer ends.

Entry posted by byscuits at 10:26 AM | Comments (7)

dashboard

listening to dashboard confessional sure brings out the sentimental streak in me. the lead singer, chris carrabba, has the perfect voice to mix with his melancholy guitar. he mostly sings about relationship stuff - some positive - but mostly songs that really express the pain all too often present. he has some of the most amazing writing i have ever read, and his style sort of redefined the whole "emo"(tional) genre.

i once read an interview with chris carrabba online. he talks about being a Christian, and what that is like to be on tour without any other Christians around. it's gotta be hard to lack that community. as really listening to his lyrics from dashboard, it makes me wonder about how he treats relationships. i know often lyrics are over-emphasized to really communicate a feeling, especially in emo music, but it seems that he has placed dating relationships on a pedestal too high - where you primarily look to get your needs for value and longing met. i know from experience what it means to do just that, and sometimes it annoys me slighly in his music. i still love listening though.

philippians 1:9
and this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,

i started reading philippians today. i think it is interesting in this verse how love is depicted, shown growing through knowledge and depth of insight. it is not shown as growing through feeling or passion, both of which can be great things, but do not necessarily show any growth of love. love is shown here as growing by gaining knowledge and understanding into situations. when a time comes that the depth of our love is truly tested, it is not our feelings that edify the other person; it is our actions.

i have been thinking of putting my earrings back in. i will admit, i really like the way they looked. i have been holding off on it because i understand that the way you are perceived is highly important. i think a guy with earrings tends to lose credibility in the professional world i currently live. so that is the negative. a positive, aside from liking how they look, is that in other crowds, i would gain credibilty. i am planning on getting more involved with crusade at mit next year and possibly moving to LA after i graduate. in both places, i think earrings would be more than acceptable. of course, i can talk myself into getting them or not getting them for a million reasons. i also don't want to lie to myself about my motivations for why i would get them - i just really like they way they look.

i would love to hear from you guys on this one. do you feel strongly? do you not have an opinion either way? your vote always counts on this type of thing, so make sure to post your comments below.

Entry posted by byscuits at 12:48 PM | Comments (4)

adam taylor

when i was home in missouri recently, i was blessed to spend a good amount of time hanging out with an old friend, adam taylor. conversation was great, ranging from God to relationships to poetry to philosophy. he is a very gifted writer, and helped me edit some of my poetry. last night i finally got around to updating most of them in the poetry section.

if you have a few minutes, i would love it if you would take the time to read one of the poems today. maybe invest a short amount of time into it, and see if you get anything back. i recently finished revising i wonder, and i would be honored if you would take a look at it. it has been heavily revised, so if you have read it in the past, there are quite a few changes. i would love to get an email or a comment from you about it, even just a short one. brutal honesty is good.

i wonder
here on this couch
i've forgotten everything
but you

the tv is on
i don't care

i love your skin
my index finger traces
your wrist
back and forth
it's softest there

i love your hair
twirling the curls
just long enough for me
to run my fingers through

the lights are dim
just enough light
for me to see
those eyes
i'm lost again

i pull you in
just a bit closer
you turn your head and smile

my mind wanders
and i begin to wonder

are you the girl
am i the boy
is this it?

the television flickers.
i wonder

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:55 PM

music videos

music videos are a great medium. they are basically today's mainstream short film, just as the artists themselves are today's poets. you get 5 minutes and good music to try to capture something more than the song can do it its own. back in the early days of music videos, michael jackson came out with 'thriller' and 'bad', both groundbreaking and visionary. as freakish as mj has become, you have to admit, the boy has always been able to dance. my favorite semi-recent music videos are 'days go by' by dirty vegas and 'weapon of choice' by fatboy slim. and both have great dancing.

days go by
you're still a whisper on my lips
a feeling at my fingertips
that's pulling at my skin

you leave me when i'm at my worst
feeling as if i've been cursed
bitter cold within

days go by and still i think of you
days when i couldn't live my life without you
without you

the 'days go by' video tells the story of a guy who once had a girl. back in the day, she used to come and watch him breakdance on the street. they ended, but he still comes back once a year on the same day to the same spot where they met, hoping that she might be there. great video.

'weapon of choice' is a bit more lighthearted. it features christoper walken (one of my favorite actors) dancing to the music with a very classically-trained style. add in a few special effects, and you have a superb video.

in a recent blog entry, a friend posted a comment asking a question about what i had written. it is an honestly important question, and today at lunch i hope to do a bit more thinking about it. it is the kind of question where no answer will satisfy everyone. i think the important thing is the process by which you become satisfied with the answer in your head and in your heart. but there is an absolute answer, and even though i will not understand it entirely, i am still going to seek it.

Entry posted by byscuits at 10:49 AM | Comments (1)

thinking in bits

i have an urge to start a company. there are so many things i enjoy that it would be cool to be able to pursue whatever direction i want to go. like today, i really want to make accessories for the ipod. one in particular i had in mind was a sled adapter that would connect through the bottom port, and allow you to download data off memory cards. so if you are out in the field taking pictures with your digital camera, you don't need more than 2 cards. you fill up one, pop it in the ipod adapter, then put your new memory card in the camera. when that gets filled, swap them out. the largest version of the ipod has a 30 gig capactity, and my little memory cards are around 128 megabytes. that means the ipod can carry roughly 250 of my memory cards. designing cases would be fun too. i think i would enjoy industrial design.

i would also like to run a small web integration company. would be fun to provide end-to-end solutions for smaller companies that have a particular niche. a very specific group they want to market to. or maybe i should just go find a job at a company where i can do that.

truth is, i really enjoy doing a lot of things. i just get easily bored and want to jump to the next thing. i enjoy coding, but it seems somehow too ethereal. i am creating something that does not even exist. so the value of it obviously does not lie in what i have made, but the attitude i have when i go about doing it. just thinking out loud here. well, not really out loud. more it bits. yeah, that's it. i am thinking in bits.

don't forget to check out my most recent pixelbox entry. and thanks to everyone who has been submitting to the comments section for the individual entries. makes this enjoyable.

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:27 AM | Comments (1)

singing beach

on saturday morning, i drove out to singing beach at machester by the sea (yeah, the whole thing. not just 'manchester', cause that's nearby in new hampshire. this was massachusetts... oh yeah, i was in the middle of a sentence. i'll let you get back to that. the sentence i mean. the one i was halfway through...) with fredslee and philipH. once we made it onto the beach, i was able to spend some more good time roaming through romans. it's like i could study that book for a whole year. anyways, we played some frisbee out in the surf, and i managed not to get burned. well, okay, i got burned a little. check back here in a couple of days for some photos. i think i managed at least one decent shot.

on the way back, we stopped at a market near the beach and picked up some fresh salmon. we had the idea of baking it in pineapple juice, soy sauce, and crushed red pepper, and had that for dinner that night. turned out pretty well.

i am working on a new color scheme for the website. something that will compliment the photo you guys helped me pick for the front page. check out the test blog (link depreciated), and leave me some feedback in the comments section for today's entry. whatdya think? enough color?

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:21 PM | Comments (2)

birthday dinner

last night i had dinner at the chart house with several friends. it is located on long wharf in a little red brick building standing sort of alone on the pier. very cool atmosphere. it was a great time, and the food was delectible. i had the grilled ahi tuna steak, and it rocked my socks (even though i was wearing sandals). i really enjoyed the company of everyone that came, and had fun skipping from conversation to conversation around the table. it was truly a blessed time.

i am still going through my notes on romans. i found this one today:

romans 11:32
for God has bound all men over to disobedience so that He may have mercy on them all.

people often ask questions about why some things are they way they are. i think this verse pretty clearly states just why God made us with sin rooted so deeply in our being. He wants to be merciful to us. that's exactly why He made us the way He did. to tell you the truth, over this past year, that is exactly what brought me closer to Him than ever before. i had to look squarely into my weakness of character to see that i so desparately need God. i am taken over by sin at my core, even if i choose to think that i am a pretty decent person. in the past, i have even set up circumstances so that i get external affirmation of my goodness. only when we face what is deep down at the core of us, our selfishness, our manipulation -- our inate sinfullness -- can we ever see the depth of the mercy that God longs to show us.

i love discovering this stuff for myself. i know some of it can be a big "no duh", but these are things i am really learning inside. i "knew" some of this stuff in my head, but i am learning so much in my heart now. that's what makes it so cool to me. i mentioned in my july 5th post that i feel progress.

i feel it still.

Entry posted by byscuits at 04:56 PM | Comments (2)

shiny happy

today at lunch i went back through romans, and skimming all the notes i have taken over the past 6 months. a few things have been on my mind lately, and after rereading, i had a couple of epifferoneous (epifferonaical?) thoughts:

romans 9:30-32 - israel was rejected by God because they tried to live by works.
works produces self-righteousness
faith produces real righteousness

and

romans 5:3-4 - "...suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope." this means that we must persevere when suffering if we are to ever see change in our character. perseverance is the key step between suffering and growth of character. how will i respond to suffering when it hits?

after reading my blog yesterday, someone commented to me how i seem to currently fit the song by REM called "shiny happy people." i think i will have to go over the lyrics to see what i think about that. :)

tonight i am heading to the chart house with a bunch of friends for my birthday dinner. there appear to be quite a few people coming, which gives me the warm fuzzies deep down inside.

shiny happy people. still thinking about that. it is odd, the happiness does not really come from circumstances. while i am very blessed in my circumstances, and there is some really cool stuff going on in my life, and how i feel is not coming merely out of external events. what i have is more of a sustained peace, rooted in a real walk with God. it has taken me 25 years to figure out what that looks like, even though i grew up in the church. however, the real test will come when something rough happens.

WHOA! i just found out that my college roommate, is featured on the front page of CNN.com today! he is a grad student in mechanical engineering, and is mentioned several times here in the "'Robosnail' reveals the wonders of goo" article. check it out, check it out, check it out!

dude, that's just plain cool. front page CNN! congrats brian!

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:24 PM

Thank You.

Thank you for your consideration.
I cannot imagine a better place, a better time.
To have my heart so clearly cleaned from this ribcage of mine.

Thank you for this smile.
The red compliments the red.
Trickling down my button-down.

Thank you for this sunset.
Placed so perfectly in the sky.
Just above the road on which I lie.

But most of all, thank You for the day.
when I see the sun
when I see a smile
when I see the red
And will not care to think on you.

i wrote this while listening to vanessa carlton over lunch at wendys. it is taken from several experiences of my life, and for some reason i felt compelled to compose this today. this may be rather melodramatic, but then again so am i. i am doing very well today, and feel quite filled by the Spirit. i like this poem very much as it is, but am sure later i will return to it to edit.

i got my tickets today for the trip to LA. here are the details:

08/29 flight #223
BOS 5:35pm
LAX 8:40pm

09/03 flight #12
LAX 1:15pm
BOS 9:38pm

i was very happy to get non-stop from boston to LA. makes the trip much easier, less travel time and so much less travel stress. i should get back in time to not be trashed for work the next day.

vanessa carlton - twilight
as the sun shines through it pushes away and pushes ahead
it fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead and
i didn't know that i could be so blind to all that is so real
but as illusion dies i see there is so much to be revealed

i love that song.

Entry posted by byscuits at 01:15 PM | Comments (1)

visit to LA

i talked to my boss today, and it looks like i will be able to take off 2 days right after labor day. i will use that time to head back to LA for an end-of-summer visit. so that means i will be in LA from friday august 29th till wednesday, september 3rd. for those of you in LA, i would love to spend time with you, hang at the beach, or any number of other things. to quote greg kawai, "OH YEAH, BABY! "

my birthday is coming up soon in a couple of days, and i haven't organized anything for it. guess it seems a little silly for me to set up something to celebrate myself. i might just get together with a couple of friends and go have dinner.

so far, this summer has been fantastic. i have never been this close to God, and it seems like every day i am able to draw closer to the one that created me. but i know i am weak, and easily fall back into old patterns. i must be watchful, and not sleep. pray that my heart would grow to desire even more of Him, and that i would have the good sense to submit to His will.

in less than a month, all the summer wilson house residents will be moving out. it is such a short time. i have grown pretty close to a few, and it is once again going to be tough to say goodbye. part of life, i guess.

Entry posted by byscuits at 03:05 PM | Comments (4)

introverted

i went out to take some pictures last night. when i got home from work i went out to the charles river to wait for sunset. i took around 200 photos, but most of them did not turn out as well as i would have liked. i am still learning how to compose compelling shots. what i really wanted a shot of were some people rowing, but none of them turned out like i was hoping. here is the one that i particularly liked:

afterwards, i went to have dinner at unos in harvard square. the whole night was a really good time to myself. i think living in a house with 18 people has taken its toll on me, and i am becoming much more introverted. i now realize i need some time alone every once in a while. photography will be good for me.

i am looking into visiting LA at the end of the summer. i have been missing that place terribly, and it will be good to see friends.

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:51 AM | Comments (3)

jersey turnpike

last night i went through the photo box i brought back with me from missouri. it had about 12 rolls of film, with stuff from my first days in california, a trip to yosemite, a church beach baptism party, a trip to china, and other random stuff. there was even a picture of my brother and i from when i must have been about 6 years old. made me realize something odd about pictures. they capture something much more than a place or a person. when i look back at certain photos, i can remember almost exactly what i was feeling and thinking right at that second. several of those pictures now line my cubicle.

one of my housemates, andrew malwitz, has been working on a script for a short film. so far, it looks great. the running time is probably between 20-30 minutes, and is quite different from the 5 minute comedy sketches we have done in the past. this one is pretty serious, and about the nature of love. should be great. it takes place on the jersey turnpike.

i think tonight i shall take my laptop and my camera to the charles river near harvard and sit on a bench. i will wait for sunset, and see what kind of pictures i can get. will be a good time to get my writings edited and maybe start a couple more from scratch.

if you look at the links just below today's blog, you can see one for "comments" along with the ones people have posted. yesterday's were pretty funny. one day i will learn to spell good.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:30 PM | Comments (2)

good day at work

it looks like i've found the source of a biggish problem here at work. our trading website gets benchmarked against our competitors by a third party company, and we have been getting rated dead last in terms of total time required to place a trade from the website.

so i went to the third party site, checked out their proceedure, and downloaded a demo of the software they use for testing. turns out that the limitations in the software they use is what is causing us to score so badly! it is their fault that we are performing so poorly. just plain silliness.

the cool part about this is that this news will go all the way up to second in command here. now a couple of people might actually know my name around here. funny thing is, i have just been in the right place at the right time lately. has nothing to do with me.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:07 PM

passions

i went to a concert last night. erika, a girl in my house, has a friend named rachel, and rachel has a roommate named rachel (now that's gotta be confusing). rachel (rachel's roommate) was playing last night at the kendall cafe, so i went along with erika and rachel to see rachel play. on the way to meet us, rachel (not the girl playing) picked up a random guy on the subway and he came along with us. apparenly she picks guys up like flies, except she likes the flies, and doesn't shoo them away. you can see a picture of erika and rachel (not the one playing at kendall cafe) here.

i really liked the music, cause i am a big fan of both female singers and dominant piano. plus the writing was okay. the music sort of brought me to a contemplative place. started thinking a lot more about writing, photography, and film, some of my greatest passions right now. this past year i have seen the most significant growth with my understanding of this life, who God is, and who i am. as i have grown closer to Christ, my passion in those 3 creative areas has only grown. they are 2 separate things -- my passions developing and my relationship with God -- but they seem to me to be connected. i think this points me to develop those passions and let God drive that creative process.

imagine seque here.

i found a digital mini-lab printer at the walmart photocenter while i was home in missouri. the digital image file gets exposed on real photo paper, so you don't have inkjet issues like bleeding, degredation, etc. 4x6 prints were $.29, and 8x10's were only like $2.50. so i got all my pixelbox photos printed up and put into an album. i also printed up a few of my favorites as 8x10's and now have them hanging in my cubicle at work. i also have 2 framed photos -- one of me and my nephew, and one of my whole extended family. makes it feel a bit more like home, and i guess that means i'm sort of settling in. i think i know where i can find one of these printers in boston.

i've been going to peet's coffee quite a bit lately. the coffee is just the right balance. seems like a lot of times starbucks or dunkin donuts is too strong or too sweet. peet's has this chocolate chai freddo (shake-type drink). i really like chai, and the added chocolate flavor is perfect. not too sweet, just a little bitter. how chocolate is supposed to be.

i don't think i want to work at fidelity for a long time. probably just till the end of the year. i think i would prefer a job where i can be more creative. teaching would be cool, because i love to teach, and i could have the summers off to make movies. maybe i should move back to LA after i graduate. who knows. one day at a time, and i will let God lead me wherever He sees fit.

Entry posted by byscuits at 11:42 AM | Comments (6)

the 4th

i just realized that the 4th of july is a significant holiday to me. it used to be the holiday i most enjoyed, but as time drew on, i enjoyed the explosions and yearly bodily scarring a little less. it is now a time for family. this year i feel a turning point of some sort in my life. i do not know what it is.

today has been a great day. i do not recall being encouraged like this in so many ways in one single day. and i only just recently saw it.

i love being around my family. i love being at home in missouri. i love remembering days gone by, times of joy and innocence. the days wander ever on, and while the innocence eventually leaves us, the capacity for joy only increases.

progress. i feel progress.

Entry posted by byscuits at 02:21 AM | Comments (3)